Sometimes you might ask yourself, why me? And honestly last night I broke down with my boyfriend and did! I am in a lot of agony right now you could say, and today my headache is not due to stress or well, actually let’s be honest it is. Unwanted stress of the lows of having a brain that will not cooperate lately… here’s some dark poetry for the curious soul…
7 years of Freedom they chanted in my head, as I laid afraid and restless in my bed
Schizophrenia was a mistake, but shchizo-affective, that’s the pill we will take
You thought now that you were living your career dreams that you wouldn’t lose your independence, your ability to speak
“Answer us in public, we dare you”
I think to myself I have to keep myself together, crazy I am not! Ok, let’s slow down and focus on that thought, you have the power to meditate, try that, why not?
Double the dose of your least favourite antipsychotic, it’s the doctor’s orders…
Why hello brain fog of drowsiness it’s been a while… here’s a migraine to add to your grief…
I count down the hours until I can leave, but work is important, I must not miss a minute.
You know you are sick, treat this as nothing else.
Maria, hold on and listen to YOURSELF!
Let me just give myself a pat on the back for a minute, because my ability to focus for this amount of time to write a dark piece of original poetry for the first time in years, is actually a success! I am hurting with every ounce of my brain, and am finally going to take a deep breath and take some ibuprofen for my headache that has lasted all day, but leaving work at noon because of auditory Hallucinations IS NOT a crime. I did everything right, I muscled through two full days of hell with this happening at work, I can definitely take on tomorrow, if I have a good sleep tonight.
So thank you Maria from 2012, for not dying when you OD’d because those voices didn’t kill you then, they certainly won’t stand a chance nearly seven years down the road!